If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
