But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
birth control should be required to get into college
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
