Ketchup is God's man juice
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
