You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's shark week go big or go home
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
