great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
