Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Randomize
