She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
