Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
