Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
