At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
