Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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