Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
