In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
