I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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