im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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