I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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