3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize