Im at strip club and am horny
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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