Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
