I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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