I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
