Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
