I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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