new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how does that bad decision feel?
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