I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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