I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
