dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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