i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
