Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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