I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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