New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
