every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
