i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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