walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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