I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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