I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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