Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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