Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
