that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
