feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
