if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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