I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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