ugly people sure do ruin things
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize