my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
