I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
