My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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