Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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