i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
