if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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