After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
