I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
