I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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