For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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