dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
