Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
