I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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