Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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