they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize