sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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