Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
