He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
