Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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