I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
