there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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