mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
