my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
