So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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