Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize