If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found puke in my bra..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
