Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
