Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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