I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
