Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
